Genesis 32: 22-31; Matthew 14:13-21

On Tuesday, our Governor Paterson made an appearance on television in order to speak directly to the people of New York State; "Time to Act" was the headline in Wednesday morning's Times Union. Given the economic situation of the state, it is time for legislators to act accordingly. Again in yesterday's Op Ed page of the Times Union, Paterson is featured and quoted: "We confront harsh times. Let me be perfectly honest, this situation will get worse before it gets better….Government will do what families have done when their incomes have fallen: We will cut spending…."

Mr. Paterson is attempting to have the state face its fiscal challenge and is making the public aware of the situation so it, too, can know that not only individuals are facing challenging times but the state government needs to follow suit.

A good number of years ago, when I was not married, I found myself having to move to Boston. The life challenge I found before me, emphasized because I was single and female, was securing a safe location and apartment in which to live. I did my research and moved to the North End of Boston which had been recommended to me from various sources as the safest place in which to live. Within two months of living there, I returned one evening to find that my apartment had been robbed; I was startled to be met by police little concerned about the incident. They said they really couldn't do anything about it. It was most discouraging. Friends did try to console me. I felt violated knowing that someone had gone through my drawers and rifled through my belongings taking whatever might bring easy money. I lay in my bed one night shortly after the robbery waiting in that twilight time to fall asleep when I heard someone at my apartment door, I was startled into alertness. I heard the fumbling with the lock and then the entering into my one bedroom tiny apartment. I panicked; I was immobilized and had no where to go; I closed my eyes and tried to have my body sink deeper in the bed so I'd be unnoticed, hoping I could just disappear into the mattress. I could hear the person walking and coming closer. Out of total fear, my heart pounded/raced. The presence came closer and closer until finally I felt the touch on my shoulder.

With that touch came total relief; I felt such calm fill me. Such a contrast between a panic racing heart to calm repose.

Let me say right away: this is not Sunday morning CSI; this is a story of faith. There was no person who came into the apartment that night. Night time is a vulnerable time for us as we move from consciousness into sleep. I believe that a holy presence came to me as all kinds of unspoken fears I had carried within me surfaced. Precipitated by the real robbing intruder; the holy presence that entered my apartment that night, however, set me aright, in God's peace that passes all our understanding. I had thought my challenge was finding the safe place to live when really the challenge I faced at that time was taking on a new direction in my life. I was taking on a new uncharted direction of seeking whose I was and all this was by faith. That holy presence reminded me that I could set aside my fears and rest in that faith.

Our scripture readings both speak of facing what life brings before us — whether we create the challenge or fall heir to the challenge. This morning we hear of Jacob again; he is left alone and falls asleep on the other side of the river Jabbok. Jacob had done all he could to prepare for his re-entry into his homeland, to face the challenges he had created in his life, to meet his brother Esau (the one he had cheated of a birthright), and to prevent any bloody fight with Esau. Jacob had divided his properties, instructed them to go before him, and made portions of his properties available as gifts to his brother Esau. All alone now, Jacob tries to rest; he and a man wind up wrestling with each other all night.

Most scholars believe the man in this text is like the one whose footsteps were heard in the Garden of Eden; Jacob is wrestling with God. Somehow given all the deception with which Jacob has been involved: all the conniving to take from his brother Esau and receive from his father a blessing, he is still demanding from God the same as the two wrestle. 'Bless me,' Jacob demands. He just won't let go! Why doesn't God just conquer this headstrong man? Or does God somehow see his match here? Does God somehow see a greater good than has been apparent so far within Jacob? Why didn't they fight into daylight so Jacob would be destroyed by actually viewing the face of this man-God? If those aren't enough, to keep a question about the text ever present, even the new name given to Jacob is ambiguous: God renames Jacob Israel. Israel can mean 'God struggles' OR 'the one who struggles with God.'

Jacob limps away. Jacob's wounded hip, however, is not defeat; Jacob does walk away from this conflict, alive. The wound is a reminder; perhaps, he had seen the face of God. He had received a blessing but at some cost. Even though God never spoke of his own identity, it was clear to Jacob that he had met God. Jacob was thankful. Jacob knew, too, that the battle ended just in time, just before sunrise. He was alive!

I believe, too, that night, Jacob was wrestling with his many fears of what an encounter with his brother Esau would be like. He knew he had to face him some time and that time was now soon. Was that all night affair in preparation for what was to come? Jacob had been running from his past misdeeds against his brother, I wonder how many nights he tossed and turn over that; the time of reckoning was fast coming. We find ourselves tossing and turning over things done and left undone.

In fact in the following chapter of Genesis, which is not in our lectionary, Jacob does meet Esau. Given Esau's welcome to Jacob, one might think the face of God comes alive through Esau. In fact, Esau never accepts, he actually denies, all the gifts/bribes that Jacob offers. In fact, Esau runs toward Jacob with open arms to the one who deceived him! Some of our worst fears when actually faced turn out to be unfounded.
Facing his self-imposed life challenge at last, the anguished, anxious Jacob is embraced by a forgiving brother.

In our Gospel reading, there is another story of facing life's challenges. We typically consider the feeding of the crowd - which is an important part of the gospel. SO important, it is found in all the gospels; it's found repeated many times. But I would like to stay with the introductory part of this reading. In the beginning of the reading Jesus withdraws himself from his disciples. His actions - if you were to read the beginning of chapter 14 - come as a result of hearing from his disciples what has happened to John the Baptist: he was beheaded by Herod; Jesus' disciples come bearing this news to Jesus just after burying John's body.

I can well imagine Jesus knew what could/would be happening to him if he continued on his journey of faith. Sobered by the news about John, Jesus went off by himself. Unlike Jacob, Jesus does not run, he doesn't go to another country; he doesn't put out candy to appease those who may become his enemies. He doesn't go around in circles avoiding the question or situation. I imagine, Jesus goes to be in a deserted place to sort things out, to pray, to quiet his anxiety. He is clear about himself, his life, and what must be done through him. We hear then that Jesus greets the crowd and has compassion. Knowing he is risking himself, Jesus makes himself available when the crowd gathers. He makes himself available to those who are in need of his counsel and presence, and hunger for God in their lives. He is setting the stage and clearly facing his life's challenge.

Jesus draws his disciples into that same mission. As the hour got later and later, Jesus' disciples would just as soon dismiss the crowd so it can go off and find for themselves some nourishment in nearby villages. But Jesus says, 'No, don't send them away for food elsewhere. You, feed them.' Jesus brings his disciples into the risky mix, saying you too need to face life's challenge head on. You need to know whose you are. If you're my disciples, we don't look for being fed elsewhere or having someone else do the feeding or having someone else do our work. No, Jesus is saying, having known me and been with me, being changed by me, it's not enough to say that someone else can do it.

Sooner or later, we all are called to face the music, to stop the detour making or avoidance patterns; we need to face head on the challenges that take shape in our lives. For many of us, the challenges only become nightmares/night wanderings/sleepless nights as we move trying to avoid the inevitable. Jesus invites/encourages us to be honest with ourselves and our situations. And he says further, I am here with you so we can face those hard decisions together.